My Condolence Meeting - Allegory of my life - Part III

Miss. BS is in complete grief during the entire condolence meet, so that is what the others think. In fact, Miss BS's concentrating on an ugly, scaly house lizard on the wall. The lizard is waiting anxiously for the fly, the fly who is flying listlessly around the defunct, aged neon tube, which can emit light only in short bursts.....

"Miss BS Personality"- A report by Dr. Carl Jung (Analytical Psychologist)

She lives in the world of theoretical possibilities. She sees everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. She lives primarily inside her own mind, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. She seeks clarity in everything, and is therefore driven to build knowledge. She is the "absent-minded professor", who highly values intelligence and the ability to apply logic to theories to find solutions. She typically is so strongly driven to turn problems into logical explanations, that she lives much of her life within her own head, and may not place as much importance or values on the external world. Her natural drive to turn theories into concrete understanding may turn into a feeling of personal responsibility to solve theoretical problems, and help society move towards a higher understanding.

She values knowledge above all else. Her mind is constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories. She approaches problems and theories with enthusiasm and skepticism, ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining her own approach to the resolution. She seeks patterns and logical explanations for anything that interests her. She is usually extremely bright, and able to be objectively critical in their analysis. She loves new ideas, and becomes very excited over abstractions and theories. She loves to discuss these concepts with others. She may seem "dreamy" and distant to others, because she spends a lot of time inside their minds musing over theories. She hates to work on routine things - she would much prefer to build complex theoretical solutions, and leaves the implementation of the system to others. She is intensely interested in theory, and will put forth tremendous amounts of time and energy into finding a solution to a problem which has piqued her interest.

..... So she is watching the ugly, scaly house lizard on the wall when the fly rests in a trapping distance of the lizard. The lizard flexes her muscles and so does Miss. BS. In a flash, it darts its tongue towards its prey...

"Let me now call upon Miss BS to say something" so calls the host speaking from the dias.

...towards its prey, and it misses the fly.

"Oh God !! Oh god!! why did you do this" exclaims Miss. BS. The audience nods in grief thinking she has said this for the dead 'me'. With concentration disturbed, she realises that she has been called over the dias. With a ruffled up look she makes her way towards the dias, still grieving over the lizard's lost catch.

" Today we have lost a great man. He was the only person who stood by me when i discussed the intricacies of the Lizard Theory and its effects on the human psyche. Well he is one person in the world ofcourse apart from me who could undertsand a Lizard. May his soul rest in Peace" and she leaves the dias with confused faces trying to decipher what she meant by the Lizard Theory and her need to discuss it at this time.

"well he was known as a lizard in the office"assured one of my smart-alec relative to his neighbour who nodded in agreement.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue sky's from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

The five cooks and the salt

The students of seventh grade at the town school were looking forward to the History class as always. History class broke the monotony of the entire day because of Mrs B's teaching methods. History was taught to students in the form of story telling, sometimes incorrect, sometimes exaggerated, but always interesting. A numerous times the teacher would just break into a story and the children would wonder what provoked it. Fiercely from the aristocratic philosophy of politics, often Mrs. B would thought provoking parables about mythological gods, historical figures and sometimes about people the students had no idea about.

So that day Mrs. B was especially in a very good mood. The class went about as usual with a story of Rasputin and how Russia entered the world war-I. According to her Rasputin had a high standing in the political matters of Russia's monarchy and it was he who persuaded Csar Nicholas II to extend support to the Entente Powers. Now nobody had the slightest idea of how it came or from where did it come but suddenly Mrs B said "... and now i would tell you the story of five cooks of the kingdom of S..". Then she retreated saying "... no just forget it for now. I would tell this to you tomorrow..". By this time though every sleeping person looked at her with rapt attention and anticipation. Virtually falling at her feet begging, the entire class began coaxing her to tell the tale. Probably out of habbit just to create some suspense and interest for the story she began to oppose the student's coaxing. The students were adament though and finally persuaded her to tell the tale. She relented after all, and so she began" Once upon a time in the kingdom of S, the king decided to host a grand dinner party. Hence the five royal cooks decided that the dinner would start with an excellent soup." Suddenly Mrs. B's story was interrupted by the shrilly sound of the school bell announcing the history class was over. Mrs. B gathered all her notes and abruptly left the class saying "I shall tell you the remainder of the story tomorrow."


Next day and the students wait anxiously for the history class. The wait is over and Mrs B enters. Every students jump of their desk shouting " the story! the story!" and Mrs B says "Let me first teach you about the russian revolution and the fall of csar and begins the class with the Lenin and the rise of communism, the Bloody Sunday and finally the fall of csar. Now the students being impatient remind her of the unfinished story. "Yes, yes the story" she says it as if she has all forgotten."So as i was telling you people" she adjusts her spectacles
".. The five cooks after days elaborate planning and consulting several age old recipes finally made the recipe to the most delicious soup according to them. The day arrived and they satrted preparing the soup. Finally the time arrived when they had to put salt into the soup. So one of them said that he would undertake this task and others protested. After a long fight which had narrowly come to a fist fight they all decided everyone would add their share of salt to the soup. They all added the salt....

...and students do you know what happened" Mrs B looks at all with her wizened expression
" and do you know what happened?" she asks again and everyone waits with attention, almost coming to the edge of their seats.

" The soup became salty. After all what would happen if you add so much salt to something" she says as a matter of fact.

The shrilly bell rings Mrs. B again gathers all her notes and is almost about to leave the class when she sees all the confused faces and says " Thats it. That was the story. After all what would happen to a soup if you add so much salt to it".

The chaotic gang and the dirty movie

The chaotic gang had upholded the dignity of its name i all respects. A bunch of not-so-good in academic excellence at the law college, broke all barriers of human decorum and plunged into the pleasure of anarchism, though nothing they did had serious repercussions in the laW of the land, yet they created a serious bedlam among the neighbourhood. Led by the Boar, a witty 17 year old coming from a conservative family with an intelligent sister in her final semester of Medicine Degree,who always despised all traditions and prided himself with a Kurt Cobain print t-shirt symbolizing his undying support for grunge and anarchism, the chaotic gang were involved in acts that would be shun by every law abiding citizens. From abusing substances and peddling them, putting their money down on all forms of street gambling, to spreading rumours at their college. One such rumour was that the Principal had a fetish watching young ladies urinating so much so that he had installed hidden cameras in the ladies washrooms. This rumour had serious consequences, girls in grip of fear of getting exposed would never visit the washroom and as result their health was greatly affected. Yet, the principal never realised this prank and gracefully (or maybe not so gracefully in the eyes of the fairer sex) retired the following month.

Another act that they greatly indulged in was the love for pornography. Every week, mostly wednesdays all the gang members would assemble at Boars house, usually at a time when his father was out for work, his mother attending the neighbourhood women's club meet and his sister away at her college. For three hours they watched all dirty movies ranging from several geographic locations from Canada, to latin american, from italian to fillipino. Several genres included from wild orgies to plain vanilla to sado-masochism to hidden footages. Among their favorite and the most rarely found were the footages involving young girls from their own small state. That was real action as they called it. Though they were just films made by amateur film makers which seriously lacked quality yet nonetheless it had a cult following and the few footages available had a great demand.

So on the fateful wednesday all members gather around the television set at the Boar's house with the Kitten, the youngest gang member of the Chaotic Gang, fidgetting the CD player whilst trying to play CD, Domingo, the video parlour guy had handed him promising a great show. The CD he said was about a non-descript state girl from some college, who wasnt great to look at but gave a splendid performance in the footage. The film starts and we see a run down barn nestled in a dense foliage of country. The scene changes and we see the inside of the farm and a lively girl fellating on her partner who comfortably enjoys every bit of it in the barn laden with hay.
Suddenly she looks at the camera and everyone in the Chaotic Gang turn scarlet red as they all in the flash of the moment stare at the Boar. Boar sits motionless at the sight, his face drained of all blood and rushes, in a fit of fury, towards the window of his apartment on the 6th floor. All he is thinking...."why did my sister had to do this".....

The grass was greener;
the light was brighter;
with friends surrounded;
the nights of wonder.

My Condolence Meeting - Allegory of my life - Part II

The dias was now taken over by MR. KA, my boss at work. He always had a vermillion mark on his forehead which showed his constant devotion to some hindu god, which one i am not sure of. He was a philosopher just like i was but certainly not an Utopian. He was full of swamis and sants and numerous babas, the foundations for life, the foundations for after life, yoga a path to salvation. He was not too fond of me neither did he hate me, ofcourse his mentors preached him love for all. "This is breaking the family system in India. Homosexuality is not natural and can be treated."he was heard saying a times too many, repeating the great words of the even greater yoga mentor, one with the long flowing greatest black beard who always accused the government of cheating him and led blind flocks to the streets with his fast unto death. My boss was proud member of this flock, so iwas it embossed in a cheap plastic badge which he proudly displayed on his breast pocket.



So he was wearing one when he took over the dias. "Ofcourse good employees are hard to find these days"he said it as a matter of fact. "But he was a a rare gem and it would take years to find one. Truly a gem i say, truly a gem hard to find." The truth was he had already found my replacement, a prize catch who was as talented with computers as i was (not that i was much too talented), who worked at half of the salary i took home and a person who was too eager to please his boss and certainly did not ask him inconvinient questions that challenged his philosophy like me.



"Öfcourse i had told him to perform yoga to cleanse his mind. Numerous times i even offered him cd's of the yoga guru, his holiness, Baba R. but his mind was full of alien ideas, ideas of what did he call himself .... hmmm yes, agnosticism, stupid ideas youth nowadays go around with. But he was truly a gem, a great loss to me, to my team and to my organization"



He climbed down the dias with his head hung low trying to appear remorseful and took his chair. An elderly man sitting next to him asked him what agnosticism really meant. "Trying to act like the foreigners"he was heard saying " We are blindly following the West in everything. This is breaking the family system in India. Homosexuality is not natural and can be treated. If the government brings this law, I will join Baba R. to the streets of Delhi in protest." and the other person nodded in agreement> I still did not understand what had homosexuality to do with my death but the person sitting next to him might have had.



There is no pain you are receding



A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.



You are only coming through in waves.



Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.



When I was a child I had a fever



My hands felt just like two balloons.



Now I've got that feeling once again



I can't explain you would not understand



This is not how I am.



I have become comfortably numb.